From Balance to Harmony: Redefining Habits in Midlife
“Your habits are not about being perfect. They're about building momentum toward the life you actually want.”
- Noelle Kustas
From Balance to Harmony: Redefining Habits in Midlife
In the whirlwind of midlife, the word "balance" often feels like a cruel joke. We're told to balance work, family, health, and personal joy, all while navigating hormonal shifts and evolving roles. But what if the pursuit of balance is actually draining us? What if there's a more sustainable, compassionate way to live?
I've found that the answer lies in shifting our focus from balance to harmony. Balance is a tightrope, a constant struggle to keep everything perfectly aligned. Harmony, on the other hand, is music – a beautiful interplay of different elements, each with its own rhythm and purpose.
Why Harmony, Not Balance?
For many women, especially in midlife, the idea of balance is exhausting. It implies managing every aspect of life equally, which is simply unrealistic. Our hormones, energy levels, and priorities are constantly shifting. The world expects us to "do it all," but we need to honor our own realities.
Harmony allows for grace. It lets us lean into what matters most in each season, without guilt. It honors our energy, our growth, and our unique needs. Instead of chasing an impossible ideal, we can create a life that resonates with our soul.
Habits as a Menu, Not a Checklist
When life feels out of control, habits can be our anchor. But too often, we view habits as rigid routines, strict checklists that lead to feelings of failure. I propose a different approach: think of habits as a menu, a selection of options we can choose from based on our energy, needs, and the season of life we're in.
This is especially important in midlife, when our emotional, hormonal, and mental states can vary wildly from week to week. Not every habit needs to be done every day. We can honor our lives by asking, "Does this habit serve me today? Does it help me feel more peaceful, aligned, and strong?"
Building Your Habit Pyramid
To create sustainable habits, it's helpful to understand the "habit pyramid." This framework, inspired by Alicia Citro's "Higher Self Habits," divides habits into four levels:
Foundation Habits: These are our survival-level habits, like sleep, hydration, and nourishing food.
Function Habits: These help our lives run smoothly, like paying bills and organizing our space.
Flow Habits: These align our mindset and open our hearts, like gratitude, journaling, and meditation.
Fulfillment Habits: These help us show up as our highest selves, serving and leading with purpose.
We often want to jump straight to the top, but true transformation comes from building a strong foundation.
Embracing Cyclical Living
Another key to sustainable habits is understanding our biological rhythms. Women are cyclical by nature, and our hormones, energy levels, and emotional needs shift throughout our cycles. Instead of forcing ourselves into a rigid routine, we can align our habits with these natural rhythms.
This "cycle thinking" approach allows us to honor our bodies and create consistency that feels natural and sustainable. Some days, we'll have the energy to tackle everything; other days, a single nourishing step forward is a win.
Taking Action: The Low-Hanging Fruit
Awareness and alignment are important, but action is what creates change. To get started, focus on the "low-hanging fruit" – small, manageable habits that support your peace and harmony. Ask yourself: "What's one simple habit I can start this week?"
It might be drinking a glass of water before coffee, leaving your phone outside the bedroom, or writing an affirmation each morning. These small steps build trust with yourself and pave the way for bigger transformations.
Choosing Harmony
In midlife, our habits should be about peace, not productivity. They're tools for grounding ourselves, showing up for ourselves, and building the lives we're meant to live. Let's release the pressure of balance and choose harmony instead.
The Rise2Shine Podcast Episode 52 | Balance Is a Lie: Habits for More Peace, Less Pressure
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XOXO,
Noelle Kustas
