Finding Your Fierce: How to Trust Yourself When Facing Scary Decisions in Midlife
“Clarity sometimes comes from the movement.”
- Noelle Kustas
Finding Your Fierce: How to Trust Yourself When Facing Scary Decisions in Midlife
That feeling. You know the one. It settles in your chest, a knot of uncertainty and maybe even a little panic. A big decision looms – a career change, a relationship shift, a bold leap into the unknown – and suddenly, the woman who juggles a million things with grace feels… paralyzed. Sound familiar?
In midlife, these moments can hit differently. We’ve spent years navigating the complexities of family, career, and community, often making countless decisions for everyone else. So when the time comes to make a choice that’s purely for us, it can feel strangely self-indulgent, even wrong. That invisible weight of expectation, the desire to “get it right,” and the lurking fears of regret, failure, and judgment can hold us captive. Even seemingly small decisions, like setting a boundary or raising your prices, can feel fraught with risk. And the big ones? Starting over, walking away, launching something new? They can feel downright terrifying.
The truth is, as we journey through midlife, the stakes of our decisions can feel higher. We have the wisdom of experience, the knowledge of past missteps, and a keen awareness of the ripple effects our choices can create. But here’s the powerful truth we often forget: we also have the life experience to know the incredible impact of one brave decision. We’ve felt the undeniable pull of our inner voice before, that quiet knowing that guides us even when the world around us is clamoring for attention.
Lately, I’ve been walking through one of those moments myself, a scary decision that’s pushing me far outside my comfort zone. And in the midst of the uncertainty, a profound realization has emerged: we often believe we need perfect clarity before we take action. But what if clarity isn’t the prerequisite? What if it’s the result of movement? What if taking that first step, even a wobbly one, is what illuminates the path ahead?
Let’s be honest about the “usual suspects” that show up when we’re facing tough choices:
The Fear of Judgment: What will others think? Will they see me as selfish, delusional, or having a midlife crisis? It's easy to get caught up in the opinions of everyone from old high school acquaintances to well-meaning family members.
The Fear of Disappointing Others: Especially as mothers, we’re often the reliable ones, the fixers. Saying “yes” to ourselves can feel like a betrayal, an inconvenience to those who depend on us. But what’s worse than disappointing someone else? Disappointing yourself, over and over again.
The Fear of Losing Control: Change can feel chaotic. We crave the familiar, even if it no longer serves us. But are we truly in control, or are we just clinging to comfort out of fear of the unknown?
The Fear of Regret: What if we make the wrong choice and everything falls apart? It’s a valid concern, but what if we make the right choice and it opens up a world of possibilities we never imagined? We’ve all made questionable choices before, and guess what? We survived.
What if we started to reframe these moments? What if that hard decision isn't just scary, but sacred? What if it's an invitation to rise, to expand, to finally trust the incredible woman you are? What if fear isn't a roadblock, but a threshold to something amazing? What if you already know the answer deep down, but you’re just afraid to admit it?
Maybe that scary decision is simply saying no to what drains you, walking away from a job that no longer aligns, launching that long-dreamed-of business, writing that book, choosing rest over relentless hustle, or saying yes to a wild, beautiful, bold opportunity.
Your next level life isn't waiting for you in some distant future; it's being shaped right now by the decisions you make, especially the ones made in the quiet moments when no one else is watching.
To help you navigate these pivotal times, I want to share a simple tool that has been invaluable to me: the DARE method:
Decide to Listen to Your Inner Voice: In the quiet moments, away from the noise of the world and the opinions of others, tune into your intuition. That whisper within holds profound wisdom.
Acknowledge the Fear, But Don't Let It Lead You: Fear will likely show up, but recognize it for what it is – an attempt to keep you safe. Gently acknowledge it, but then let your desire for growth take the wheel.
Remember Your Why: Connect with your core values and the woman you are striving to become. Let your deeper purpose be the compass that guides you, louder than any “what if.”
Embody One Brave Step: You don’t need the entire staircase in sight. Just take the next aligned action. It could be sending an email, setting a boundary, or simply speaking your truth. Trust yourself; you’ve got this.
If you’re facing a decision that feels heavy and overwhelming, ask yourself this: What would I do if I trusted myself completely? Don’t overthink it; let your intuition guide your pen or your voice. Dare to believe in the powerful, capable woman you are becoming.
You don’t have to have all the answers right now. You simply need to take the next brave step. The most beautiful parts of your story are often waiting just on the other side of that decision you’re scared to make. Take a deep breath, you’ve got this.
The Rise2Shine Podcast Episode 54 | Scary Decisions & Bold Moves: How to Trust Yourself Again
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XOXO,
Noelle Kustas
