The Messy Middle: Why "Unbecoming" is Essential for Your Midlife Glow Up
“You're allowed to release what no longer fits so you can rise into what's meant for you.”
- Noelle Kustas
The Messy Middle:
Why "Unbecoming" is Essential for Your Midlife Glow Up
Remember that feeling of excitement as a kid, unwrapping a brand new toy? That anticipation, the shiny promise of something new and wonderful? That's often how we envision a "glow up" – a radiant transformation, a confident stride into our next chapter. And don't get me wrong, that brilliance is absolutely part of it.
But what happens before the shine? What about the messy parts, the feelings of heaviness, the necessary act of letting go? Lately, I've been experiencing a profound shift in my own life, a true midlife evolution, and it hasn't always felt like a seamless transition. There have been car rides filled with unexpected tears and sleepless nights wrestling with the feeling that maybe, just maybe, I've bitten off more than I can chew.
One day I feel on top of the world, ready to conquer new heights. The next, I'm retreating, questioning everything. Sound familiar?
Here's the powerful truth I've had to keep reminding myself: this isn't happening to me, it's happening for me. We talk a lot about becoming the woman we're meant to be, but we often overlook the crucial stage of unbecoming. It's the release, the shedding of old roles, outdated rhythms, and limiting beliefs that no longer align with who we are evolving into.
Think of it like this: to put on a fresh coat of paint, you often need to scrape off the old, peeling layers first. Our midlife glow up is similar. It's not just about adding new things to our lives; it's fundamentally about what we're willing to lay down.
One of the biggest things I'm consciously releasing right now is the fear of being seen in a bigger way. It's a fear I thought I had conquered years ago when I bravely stepped away from a 25-year teaching career to embark on this new path. But as I'm called to step out even more boldly, that old familiar fear resurfaces, a whisper of doubt echoing the painful judgment I faced before: "Who does she think she is?"
That sentence cut deep, confirming every insecurity I had ever felt. It took a lot of work to heal from that, to find my clarity and step forward anyway. And yet, here it is again, this time feeling deeper, more nuanced. I realize now that life keeps inviting us to revisit these lessons, not as punishment, but as an opportunity for deeper liberation. Each time, there's another layer to release.
But amidst the discomfort, I feel an undeniable sense that something truly meaningful is unfolding. I believe I'm meant to use my voice, to share my story and show other midlife women that it's absolutely possible to rewrite your script at any age, even if it looks nothing like the plan you made decades ago.
And the beautiful thing is, you don't have to be on a podcast or a public stage to have a voice that matters. Your journey, your experiences, your truth – they hold immense power and can profoundly impact those around you.
So, where do we begin this process of unbecoming? Here are three key areas many of us need to explore:
Releasing the Old Roles
Over the years, we accumulate roles like layers of clothing. Maybe you're the family fixer, the perpetually strong one, the ever-available mom, the one who always carries the weight. These roles might have served a purpose at one point, but just because they did doesn't mean they still fit the woman you are becoming.
One of the hardest but most liberating realizations in our rise is understanding that shedding a role isn't failure; it's evolution. Ask yourself: What roles have I taken on that no longer align with who I am becoming? It's okay to gently lay some of them down. You're not quitting; you're expanding.
Rewriting the Old Rules
We all carry around invisible rulebooks, filled with "shoulds" absorbed from childhood, culture, relationships, and careers. Rules like "always put others first," "don't shine too brightly," or "you have to be productive to be valuable." These unspoken expectations can run incredibly deep, shaping our choices and limiting our potential.
Take a moment to consider: What silent rules have I been living by? Who told me I had to follow them? And do I still believe them? This is your life, your midlife glow up. It's not a remix of someone else's expectations. You have the power to rewrite your own rule book.
Reworking the Old Rhythms
Sometimes, the things holding us back aren't beliefs, but ingrained patterns of behavior. We rush, we grind, we overcommit, living in a rhythm that reflects a time of survival, not the thriving we desire. This new season might be calling you to slow down, to create new rhythms that truly serve your nervous system, your joy, and your inner peace.
Remember, your journey is unique. Just because someone else is in a season of outward action doesn't mean you need to be. You might be in a quiet season of rest and realignment, and that's perfectly okay. Ask yourself: What rhythms or habits am I holding onto that no longer support the life that I want to create?
Whether you're releasing a role, rewriting a rule, or reworking a rhythm, approach it with self-compassion, not shame. You are allowed to release what no longer fits so you can rise into what is truly meant for you.
This process of unbecoming isn't always about doing more; sometimes, the most courageous part of the glow up is the release. So, take some time to reflect on what that looks like for you. I'm walking this path with you, and I can't wait to share more of this journey in the weeks to come.
Remember this: there will never be a perfect time. Life will always be full, with demands on your energy and attention. If you wait for the quiet moment, the calm week, the magically open space, you might miss the life that's trying to break through right now. At some point, we have to stop waiting and start walking, even in the middle of the mess.
If you're feeling that tug, that whisper that it's your time, go with it. And if you're ready to go deeper, explore the resources I've created to support you – the free Glow Up Guide, the self-led Rise Reboot, and the transformative Glow Up Mentoring School. You can find all the links in the show notes.
This is your season to stop waiting and start glowing. Keep rising, keep shining, and know that today, the best is right here, waiting for you.
Ready to shine brighter than ever before?
How I can support you:
🎧 Tune in to The Rise2Shine Podcast
🛍️ Visit my Amazon Storefront with All My Faves
Remember, you are not alone. Together, let's rewrite the narrative and redefine what it means to live a joyful, fulfilling life.
Your next chapter is waiting, and it's going to be amazing!
XOXO,
Noelle Kustas
