Reigniting Your Spark: How Somatic Healing Transforms Midlife Relationships
“We don’t have to go backward to move forward. Just be with what currently is, and learn how to create safety in the body so that we can be able to be present to our life and then have the clarity, the wisdom and the intuition.”
- Becky Aste
Reigniting Your Spark: How Somatic Healing Transforms Midlife Relationships
Are you a midlife mom navigating a new chapter, perhaps feeling a bit lost, unsure of your purpose, or craving deeper fulfillment? You’re not alone. Many women, after years of pouring their hearts into being a mom and putting everyone else first, find themselves at a crossroads. The idea of choosing yourself can feel uncomfortable, even a little guilty, leading to feelings of being stuck, unfulfilled, and anxious about the future.
I understand this struggle deeply. It’s a journey I’ve walked myself, and it's why I've dedicated my next chapter to helping women like you rediscover their spark, reclaim their confidence, and build a life they're excited about. In a recent episode of The Rise 2 Shine Podcast, I had the privilege of speaking with Becky Ardasy, a trauma-informed somatic relationship coach, and host of the globally ranked podcast, "Your Breakthrough Blueprint." Her insights into somatic healing and its power to transform midlife relationships are nothing short of revolutionary.
Beyond the Head: What is Somatic Healing?
When we think about healing, our minds often jump to traditional talk therapy, reading self-help books, or endless conversations. While these methods have their place, they often neglect a crucial component: the body. The word "somatic" simply means "body," and somatic healing recognizes that our bodies keep a score of every experience, especially trauma.
Becky shared how traditional approaches, often focused "from the neck up," miss out on the body's vast intelligence. As Bessel Van Der Kolk highlights in "The Body Keeps the Score," traumas, whether from decades ago or recent events, leave physiological imprints. This isn't just about war veterans with PTSD reacting to fireworks; it's about everyday emotional trauma. A partner's phone ringing could trigger a panic response if past infidelity created deep wounds. When conventional healing isn't clicking, it's often because we're stuck in our heads, constantly replaying the past or future-tripping. This inability to be present signifies that something deeper, something physiological, is at play. Healing emotional wounds requires engaging the body, not just the mind.
Becky's Breakthrough: Saving a Marriage on the Brink
Becky's personal story powerfully illustrates the transformative power of somatic work. Her marriage was a classic dance of anxious and avoidant attachment—she chasing connection, her husband needing space. This dynamic led to a decade of toxic coping mechanisms, codependency, addiction, and betrayal, bringing them to the brink of divorce. They separated, and for Becky, this separation unearthed deep childhood wounds related to abandonment.
In a moment of desperation, unable to sleep, she stumbled upon a somatic coach online. This was her last-ditch effort, and it made all the difference. This newfound approach wasn't an "aha fix" overnight, but it allowed her to experience true detachment from her husband's behavior and outcome for the first time. She began to genuinely feel peace, even contemplating the possibility of divorce without terror. This realization—that she could find peace and safety within herself, regardless of her husband's actions—was revolutionary.
This experience led Becky to a profound philosophy: her work isn't about pushing couples to stay together, but about empowering women to reconnect with their own intuition and reclaim their power. Whether a woman heals and calls her husband "up" to meet her, or heals and calls him "out" of a toxic dynamic, she wins. It's about ending self-abandonment and cultivating self-trust in relationships.
Practical Tools for Nervous System Regulation
So, how does this body-based healing actually work? Becky emphasizes the importance of nervous system regulation. The journey begins with dissolving shame, a common hurdle for women entering this work. Once radical self-compassion is embraced, building a somatic toolkit begins.
Simple, accessible tools become game-changers. For instance, the "five senses" exercise (five things you can see, four you can hear, three you can touch, two you can smell, one you can taste) can immediately bring you back to the present moment when triggered. Other techniques might include box breathing, shaking your body to release pent-up energy, screaming into a pillow, or even punching a mattress. These aren't "woo-woo" practices; they are scientifically grounded methods to release trapped energy and bring your body back to a state of safety. Initially, they might feel awkward, but consistency leads to profound shifts. These practical tools are essential for anyone wanting to navigate challenges and enhance their emotional intimacy.
A Ripple Effect: Healing for the Next Generation
One of the most inspiring aspects of personal healing is its ripple effect. As Becky and I discussed, when women start doing this deep work, it doesn't just impact their relationships; it transforms their parenting, their businesses, their financial well-being, and even their spiritual lives.
Becky shared how she began using somatic tools with her own children to help them regulate their emotions during tantrums. Teaching them about the "five F-bombs" of somatic healing (fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flop) has given them a vocabulary to identify their nervous system states. This powerful approach breaks cycles of generational trauma, equipping the next generation with self-awareness and coping mechanisms that many of us never had. By taking the courageous step to heal emotional wounds within ourselves, we are actively shaping a healthier, more emotionally intelligent future for our families.
Rekindling Connection: When There's No Major Trauma
What about relationships that aren't on the brink of collapse but just feel numb or disconnected? This is a common experience for many midlife moms who might feel their relationship has been relegated to the back burner as they navigate their own identity shifts.
Becky highlighted that disconnection isn't always born from major trauma; sometimes, it's the absence of conflict or simply the overwhelming pace of modern life that leads to a disembodied state. This is where somatic healing is just as, if not more, applicable. It helps you connect with yourself again. The truth is, we can only be as deeply connected to others as we are to ourselves. By rediscovering your own gifts, passions, and sense of purpose, you create new avenues for conversation and genuine emotional intimacy with your partner. This personal reawakening often leads to a revitalized connection, even in the bedroom, addressing issues like bedroom blocks that may stem from deeper, unrecognized wounds. It's about reigniting your internal spark to rekindle marriage spark externally.
Embrace Your Unique Path to Joy
My conversation with Becky left me feeling profoundly inspired. If there's one truth I want you to take away, it's Becky's father's powerful words: "You are unique and special. Factories make the same products and they all look the same, but God made you unique with a unique set of spiritual gifts and thumbprint to leave on this earth."
You have the power to break through self-doubt, rebuild confidence, and reclaim your purpose. This isn't just about fixing a relationship; it’s about rediscovering the incredible woman you are beyond motherhood and embracing this new chapter with joy. If you’re longing to rediscover your spark and find clarity for your next chapter, explore the power of body-based healing. There is more out there for you, and the best is waiting for you today.
Your Next Step
Ready to explore a new path to healing and deeper connection? Listen to the full episode of The Rise 2 Shine Podcast with Becky Ardasy. It’s an invitation to shift your perspective and begin your journey towards a more fulfilled and joyful life. Subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen, and share this episode with a friend who needs to hear this message.
The Rise2Shine Podcast Season 2 Episode 4 | Body-Based Healing for Love with Becky Aste
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XOXO,
Noelle Kustas
